We’ve all been through a difficult break-up at some point. And after the hurting, venting and reaching for the box of tissues, you might find yourself wondering if it’s possible to get back together again, regardless who ended it. Why? Because things worked and you used to have fun and he cared etc. Since you’re reading this, you probably know all this better than I do, so let’s get to the practical part and understand how to get your boyfriend back.
What can you actually do to get your ex-boyfriend back?
1. Do not be desperate
Trust me, I know. You’re thinking about it all the time and the first thing you wanna do is get all clingy and put out desperate messages and perhaps even neon signs that point towards you. And I’m here to tell you that is a huge mistake. First of all, desperation is a huge turn-off for men.
Have you ever heard the expression about the chase being better than the catch? Well, that’s very true in relationships. Your ex will want you back, mainly for the same reasons you want him back, but he will want to fight for it a little, so let him sweat a bit. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t start up conversations. Don’t even post love songs on your social media. Give him time to miss you, for a change.
2. Consider why your relationship ended
If you were the one who initiated the break-up, think about the reasons you had then and try to see if or how they could be resolved. Analyze the situation and find out how to get your boyfriend back .If you get back together without first resolving those issues, you will break up again in a month or two and you don’t want that.
If it was him, try to think about what drove him to this decision – did he tell you he wasn’t happy about something you said or did? How has that been resolved? You need to be prepared on these matters, because they can become issues again, if you get back together.
3. But don’t give in
In your eagerness to get him back, you might be tempted to agree to his conditions, just so he’ll take you back. That, my friend, is a sure-fire way of suffering in the future, because you alone set the bar for how you want to be treated and if you let them get their way once, they will expect to do so in future.
4. Focus on yourself
Alone time can be great because it allows you more me-time. It’s a chance for you to do all the things you were too busy for when you were in a relationship, and so, it’s a good time to improve yourself. Take up dancing, de-clutter your house, get a new haircut – surely, there’s something you’ve been dying to do. Now’s the time.
5. Let your ex see this
There’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and what she needs and takes care of herself. Go out dancing with friends, take a trip, post a snapshot with yourself at your new yoga class – let your ex know that you are living your most exciting life and are being the best you can be. It will make him come crawling back, wondering if he can fit into that life.
6. Does he fit in?
Speaking of which, before you start trying to get him back, put aside your emotions and loneliness and think about it rationally – in your best life, how does your ex fit in? A break-up is a breather, gives you a chance to evaluate how you two fit together.
7. See other people
Not an actual step towards getting your ex back, but it’s something you need to know before you get back together. Try going on a date with someone else, look around at what other options you might have, you know, just to be sure ‘the one’ isn’t out there, somewhere else. I know it might feel like cheating (it’s not), but it’s fun and it’s good to know your options.
8. Keep gossip to a minimum
Chances are you have friends in common, and while after a break-up, it’s normal to want to say mean things about your ex, try to keep these at a minimum. I mean, if he hears you’ve been saying things behind his back, he probably won’t want to get back with you. Same with what you say to him. I know you might want to blame him or attack him for certain things he didn’t do – don’t. Seriously. There are two sides to every story and you’ve probably made your own set of mistakes.
9. Stop obsessing!
Every woman I know makes up stories in her head about getting her ex back, myself included, but that’s actually really unhealthy for you. By keeping yourself stuck in this mental place, you’re not allowing yourself to grow and become better (aka #4). So whenever you find yourself fantasizing about it or obsessing, distract yourself – exercise, clean, work, do something that gets your mind off things.
10. In the end, just ask him out
If you feel that’s the right step for you and that you’re strong enough, go for it. But keep it casual – remember it’s not necessarily a date (your ex might not see it that way) and don’t dwell on the bad things. Don’t lay blame. Try to have a civilized conversation and feel them out. There is a possibility that they don’t want to get back together and if you do go out, you want to show them you’re not desperate to get back with them either.
So, yeah, it’s really that easy – cut contact, seriously think things through and just live your life. There’s nothing more appealing than happiness, so strive to be happy. Good luck!